Monday, March 4, 2013

The reality is

Working at Starbucks, I get a lot of people asking me questions about my life and health. Two of the main questions I have come to expect is-1. How do you go on living so happily? and 2- Are you afraid of dying?

How do I go on living happy? Well, being depressed isn't going to help the situation at all. I could sit at home and sulk and become anti-social, but what good will that really do? I really feed off of my own happiness. When I am happy, I want to be happier-I don't think about what's to come. The only times I really think about my current situation is 1-when I'm at the hospital or doing treatments, or 2-when I'm really just having a bad day. I just don't see why people dwell on it. I want to work up until the point that I can't anymore, and see people, and experience things that some people don't get the chance to do because they are dwelling. I do things to make me happy. I travel, I read, I work, I go to school, I spend time with my friends, I exercise. Of course I won't be happy if I sat in my room all day. I make myself happy by doing things.

Dying.Now that is a tricky one. I realize that I am living on borrowed time. I realize that I am one of the lucky ones from my generation that have made it this far. I don't take that for granted. The actual death doesn't scare me. I know it'll happen eventually, it happens to everyone. Just because I have CF and I have a possibility that I won't make it as far as everyone else-it doesn't change the fact that it's death. The only thing that hurts me necessarily, is when I think about leaving everyone behind. Some people spend so much time taking care of me, making me feel better, and I don't want to put them in pain.

But why do we have to dwell on this stuff anyways? I read this quote last year-it said "Be afraid of an unlived life. You don't have to live forever, you just have to live." And that's what I'm centering my whole life around. There is no reason to constantly think about death and dying-that'll take away from your living.

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